Written by Patrick McNamara

Well. I hope you all are real proud of yourselves. Because here it is the last week of August. Damn. How did we get here? Where did it go? Where is that large automobile? This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!*

Oh well. Mono No Aware. Sic Transit Gloria. Let the water flow.

Yes. September* must come again. But at least we still have this officially unofficial final week of summer, dear Rockness reader. There are still plenty of summer shows yet to see that flow with the goodness. And it only takes one to change your life.

(*September has its charms 2)

Monday - August 25th, 2014 A.D.

Let’s start the week with something REAL good. Boston’s Aviator (click that) plays The Studio at Webster Hall. They make some of the prettiest hardcore punk pop your little alt ears can ever hope to hear. This song “Pipe Dreams” off their just released new album has been on repeat at Rockness HQ* for weeks. You know what it’s about? It’s about growing up.

(*Rockness HQ is also my apartment is also my bedroom is also my mud room is also my den.)

Legendary dope-smoking doom metal band Sleep play Stage 48. It’s OK if you don’t know where Stage 48 is. It’s sort of new. And I’ve got some really great news for you. The venue is located on 48th street and 11 avenue. Yeesh. Well, think about it this way, at least you’ll have a long subway ride to figure out how you’re going to hide your kindness.

Monday night seems to be comedy night. At least on this thing. Comics Greg Barris + Chris Gethard lead the tummy busting good times at Union Hall tonight. File Under: funny. RIYL: haha. Think Pavement meets Fugazi.

Other notable shows = Netlfix! + Amazon Prime! + Ever Hear of This Thing Called a Goddamn Book Before!

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Tuesday - August 26th, 2014 A.D.

Well this certainly is a solid punker popster rocker lineup. Syracuse punker popster rockers Perfect Pussy + Welsh punker popster rockers Joanna Gruesome + Northampton punker popster rockers Potty Mouth + Chicago punker popster rockers Love of Everything play Shea Stadium. I have been told my credible sources that the punky QB known as McMahon* is on the guest list.

(*that one’s for all the Chicago Bears fans in the world - this just might be our year)

Cymbals Eat Guitars (pay no attention to that 4-year-old band profile) is such a good band. You probably already know that. But compliments and fond feelings are always worth repeating. Have you heard their new album “Lose?” It comes out on the 26th and just might be their masterpiece. See them play songs from it at Baby’s All Right tonight (and tomorrow at 5050 Skate Park in Staten Island - which I just learned is NYC’s only indoor skate park - who knew? - you and I just knew - that’s who).

And scanning Whoa My Blobness (yeah - I use my own shit) I see that The Polyphonic Spree play Brooklyn Bowl. Now, my calculations may be off (because I didn’t do research for this dynamically original digital article) but I think this band (that has approximately 1,365 members) hasn’t played a show here in years. Do they still wear the white robes, you think? Will Annie Clark be there? Will they drive to the show in VW Beetles? So many questions…. so many goddamn members.

Other notable shows = Cheap Trick at The Paramount + Drake (not familiar) at PNC Bank Arts Center + Alice Cohen at Cake Shop

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Wednesday - August 27th, 2014 A.D.

Porches + Frankie Cosmos play the CMJ artist announcement invite-only* show (that was a mouthful - and I didn’t even say it - I just typed it) somewhere on the Lower East Side. They haven’t announced the exact location yet. But if you’re interested, just walk around Delancey or Orchard or Ludlow or wherever and look for the alts. I’m sure you’ll find them.

(*you can win an invitation to this thing by entering the contest currently running on our dynamic music blob)

Hector’s Pets play Death By Audio. And man, I’ve been pimping their retro power pop sweet guitar jingle jangle for years. I was first in the game, son! Sure. I might be the only one playing. But first is first is first is first, son! (but seriously - go see this band if you’re the type that likes going to see good music)

And here’s a blast from the past. Michigan eccentro-popsters Breathe Owl Breathe play Silent Barn. I wrote this profile on them 6 years ago after seeing them at (le) poisson rouge. I remember two things about that show. #1 the singer wore a cape of some sort #2 the songs were super singable and dynamically enjoyable. I wonder what they’ve been up to since 2008? Well. Let’s play this video and find out. C’mon!

Other notable shows = Yvette at Palisades + Ask Me Another w/ John Cameron Mitchell at The Bell House + Bluffing at Trans-Pecos

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Thursday - August 28th, 2014 A.D.

The lovely and sublime Widowspeak play this hot new club called The Museum of Modern Art for the last installment of the “MoMA Nights” outdoor concert series. It’s free. Sort of. You have to pay museum admission. Which, when I last checked, was $152 for adults and $98 for students. Non-profit museum my ASS.

(the admission rates are high - but they aren’t that high - please don’t sue me, MoMA - it’s satire, not slander! it’s satire!)

Reigning Sound has been rocking the solid Southern garage rock for over a decade. They used to be based in Memphis but moved to Asheville. If I hear one more thing about how alt Asheville is, I’m going to lose it. Yeah. They’ve got great craft brews there now. Got it. Anyway, Reigning Sound play Bowery Ballroom tonight. Just thought all you alt garage rockers would want to know.

Euphoric punk popsters Wild Yaks play Palisades. This band always puts on a solid live show. Well. I guess I’m not qualified to say “always” since I haven’t been in attendance for every single show they have ever done. But they have always been good the few times I’ve seen them. And I think a few is a good enough control group, don’t you?

Other notable shows = Kings of Leon (who?) at PNC Bank Arts Center + DJ Gibby Haynes of Butthole Surfers at The Bowery Electric + DJ Talib Kweli at Brooklyn Bowl + Heaven’s Jail at Baby’s All Right

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Friday - August 29th, 2014 A.D.

Might as well start Friday off with something free, right? You’ll have the rest of the weekend to piss your money away. London, Ontario’s heavy fun punker rockers Single Mothers* lead a good lineup at Brooklyn Night Bazaar. Bonus. Baltimore noise lads Dope Body + loud, sweaty, meaty men Vulture Shit + Brooklyn lo-fi eccentro-popsters Ed Schrader’s Music Beat also play. That’s a pretty good deal if you ask me, especially since you’re paying nothing.

(*Single Mothers also play tomorrow at Cake Shop but we'll let tomorrow worry about itself)

Joanna Gruesome (talked about them on Tuesday - scroll up if you don’t believe me - I’ll wait) + the always on-point punks Big Ups play South Street Seaport. This show is free too. After-party at this hot new club called Pizzeria Uno immediately following. First tourist-priced pie is on you!

(*fuck that chain - it’s giving the original Pizzeria Uno in Chicago a bad name - and that place is GOOD)

Peanut Butter Wolf (I hear his vinyl weighs a TON) celebrates Michael Jackson’s 54th birthday (you know, if he wasn't dead) with a festive DJ set at Brooklyn Bowl. There will be visuals and stuff too. Everything would have to go just right, but this could be an extremely fun one. Leave your egos at the door and enter knowing there was a King of Pop and it wasn’t you.

Chicago’s Handsome Family (led by husband/wife team* Brett and Rennie Sparks) have been quietly creating solid alt-Americana since 1993. See them show you the ways of the world like only road weary troubadours can at Rough Trade (and tomorrow at Mercury Lounge).

(*we’re big fans of husband/wife teams here at Whoa My Blobness)

Such Hounds + Dead Stars are two good bands I’ve recently written about (because I like them - not because I got a press release about them - wow! mint! rare!). Go ahead and click their name to read more of my dynamic blob thoughts about them. There’s no need to cover the same ground here. But I will tell you that both Such Hounds + Dead Stars play The Grand Victory tonight. Swirlers and stoners welcome.

Other notable shows = Midnight Magic at Cameo Gallery + Potty Mouth and Perfect Pussy at Asbury Lanes + Love as Laughter at Baby’s All Right + Las Rosas at Baby’s All Right (late)

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Saturday - August 30th, 2014 A.D.

Free. FREE. FREE! Providence noise goth throbbers Black Pus (Brian Chippendale, drummer/vocalist of Lightning Bolt - god, they were a good band) + Philly jingle-janglers Cousin Brian + Brooklyn punk chemists Flagland (click that) + LA swirl-gazers No Joy (click that if you enjoy reading 4 year old band profiles) play Brooklyn Night Bazaar. It should be an eclectically electric eccentric delight.

Do you like to dance? If so, let’s go see dance pop duo Teengirl Fantasy do their thing at Baby’s All Right and you can teach me how. I’ll just do whatever moves you do, OK? I probably won’t even watch the band so much. I’ll just be studying you. And whatever movement you make, my mirror movement will be approximately half a second behind. Cool? Sounds like a fun evening? Terrific!

Warm it up, Kris! I’m about to. Warm it up, Kriss! ‘Cuz that’s what I was born to do!* It’s MoMA PS1’s Warm Up outdoor dance party today. Some electrically danceable alts are playing. There’s no real reason to tell you the full lineup or get into their sound or be informative in any way, so I’ll just let you peep the lineup yourself.

(*RIP Mac Daddy... or Daddy Mac... whichever was the tragic one)

Mighty fine lo-fi popster Andrew Cedermark (click that if, once again, you like reading 4-year-old band profiles) + sublime upstate punks LVL UP (that one is a little more recent - I stand behind that one) play Shea Stadium tonight. I’m going to this one. How about you? If so, look for me near the punch table. I’ll be the one in the teal silk shirt and pleated khaki pants holding your matching corsage.

Other notable shows = Single Mothers at Cake Shop + Modern Life is War at Bowery Ballroom + Garfunkel and Oates at Irving Plaza + Mount Kimbie at The Wick + Pat Benatar at The Paramount + I could listen to a Pat Benatar song right now + Why not, let’s do it!

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Sunday - August 31st, 2014 A.D.

Sweetly swirling San Diego noise popsters Crocodiles play Baby’s All Right* tonight. Recommended if you like good songs, solid folks, and chill times.

(*Google still refuses to accept that All Right is an acceptable spelling of Alright - it’s a search engine that rules the world’s word vs. a hot alt music venue - I just don’t know who to believe anymore.)

Good news. Underrated ‘80s NJ rocker roller band, The Smithereens, and Detroit power popsters, The Romantics, are one of several ‘80s bands to play “Rock of the Eighties” (god, that’s a great title) at NYCB Theatre at Westbury. Bad News. Google Maps tells me Wesbury is 43 minutes from NYC (1 hour 46 minutes in current traffic). So yeah. Never say never, but…..

Speaking of Smithereens, this movie is a good time capsule of NYC. You should see it sometime. And I should mind my own business.

And finally. Funnyman Hannibal Buress does a free show at Knitting Factory. Because of course he does. Do you know how many Hannibal Buress shows I’ve listed BY HAND on Whoa My Blobness over the last year and half? A LOT. Let’s just rename the site Oh My Hannibalness and call it a day. I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

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That’s it! Thanks for sticking around and reading all the way to the end. I love all 13 of you with all of my #art.

Enjoy this unofficially official last week of the finest season. Get out there and embrace the goodness. Don’t let summer swallow you whole.