Written by Patrick McNamara

Let’s talk about shows, baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Let’s talk about shows.

WORST INTRO EVER

It gets better. Let’s keep reading this dynamic digital article together, c’mon!

Monday - December 8th, 2014 A.D.

Holy shit there are a lot of shows tonight. Please don’t ask me why. For I never know. Let’s only talk about three of tonight's good shows, though. Because that’s my rule. I need to put limits on myself in order to know my limits, you know?

Smashing Pumpkins play Webster Hall. I have heard the new album. It’s not “Siamese Dream.” But it’s not Siddhartha either. Remember when I wrote about my very first show experience going to see Smashing Pumpkins? God, that was a pretty good piece.

The following concert is amazing. I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to think you would spend the next two hours watching the whole thing - you've got a job to do, a life to live, bills to pay - but you really should come back and watch it one day. It'll always be here....just waiting....for you to embrace it's goodness.

Conor Woe Burst is sending holiday cheer to WFUV at Beacon Theater along with other names you have heard of. Some of these names include Natalie Merchant (do you think she’ll play that song where she just thanks everybody in her life for four minutes?) + The Felice Brothers + Laura Marling. Thanks for listening.

And Mirah plays in someone’s living room in Ditmas Park if that’s your scene. I’m more of a show/dinner party man, myself. I like someone to sing me songs as I pass the rutabaga salad drizzled in truffle oil.

Other notable shows = Angel Olsen at Bowery Ballroom + Eugene Mirman and Reggie Watts at The Bell House + The 1975 at The Paramount + Landlady at Mercury Lounge + Yellow Ostrich (final show) at Glasslands

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Tuesday - December 9th, 2014 A.D.

Baltimore singing-songwriting post-folk artist (and front woman of Lower Dens) Jana Hunter plays one of the last remaining shows at Glasslands before the fine venue goes back into the earthy dust from which we all came. Sic Transit Gloria.

Veteran electro-tight band Matmos plays Robert Ashley’s cult classic television opera “Perfect Lives” at a benefit for Issue Project Room. That’s right. A television opera. “Performance art supergroup HARIBO” opens. Not sure what their deal is but if Issue Project Room says they’re a supergroup then they must be a really super group.

Rapper Common - he reps Chicago - plays Irving Plaza and this man has had the smooth lyrical flow for years, yo. Don’t you forget it. Magnets, yo.

Other notable shows = Angel Olsen at Bowery Ballroom + Ben Watt and Porcelain Raft at (le) poisson rouge + Spank Rock at Baby’s All Right + Father Figures at Shea Stadium

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Wednesday - December 10th, 2014 A.D.

The lovely label Kanine Records has their holiday party at Baby’s All Right tonight with NYC’s Public Access TV (the Brits love ‘em because they sound exactly like the type of band the Brits love) and Beverly and DJ sets from Kip of The Pains of Being PWND and Brandon of Crocodiles. I’ll be there wearing my favorite holiday sweater as instructed.

Waxahatchee plays Glasslands. Not to brag, but I totally saw Waxahatchee play Glasslands a couple of years ago. If you go tonight you can totally not brag about seeing Waxahatchee at Glasslands too. And then we’d both be anti-braggarts of the finest order and high-five each other that we saw Waxahatchee at Glasslands once.

Comedian Dave Hill wants us to meet him under the mistletoe at The Bell House. OK. But not too much tongue, Dave. His band Valley Lodge is playing (see: John Oliver theme) and Janeane Garofalo will probably show up with some other funny people too. Speaking of funny, I know you ignore most of the videos I dynamically post every week, but this one is some funny shit.

Other notable shows = The Foreign Exchange at Music Hall of Williamsburg (free) + Ted Leo and Aimee Mann at Tarrytown Music Hall + The 1975 at The Capitol Theatre + Prince Rupert’s Drops at Union Pool

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Thursday - December 11th, 2014 A.D.

The #1 most popular upcoming show on the entire site (the entire SITE, mannn) is Parquet Parkay Courts Quarts + PC Worship + Blues Control at Webster Hall tonight. All three of those bands are good. Maybe that’s why this show is so popular. I’m not sure. I need to tighten up the science before I can confidently make that connection.

The Thurston Moore Band plays a free show at The Studio at Webster Hall. He was in some other band before this one but I can’t remember what it was.

DJ James Murphy does his DJ thing at Output tonight. I don’t usually include DJ sets in this dynamic feature because they are DJ set but I know how much you love all things James Murphy so why not. Evvvvvvvverybody loves James Murphy. The Rapture were better than LCD but James Murphy James Murphy James Murphy.

Chicago’s Russian Circles have been instrumentally “post-something” shredding for the better part of a decade now. Damn, time fucking flies. They play Music Hall of Williamsburg and they’re going to bring it.

Other notable shows = Suckers/Future Punx/DOM at Glasslands + Pictureplane at Palisades + Centro-Matic at Rough Trade + Dan Friel at Trans-Pecos

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Friday - December 12th, 2014 A.D.

Swearin’ play Brooklyn Night Bazaar and they’re a good goddamn band. This goddamn show is also goddamn free so put your goddamn money away, goddamn it.

I like every single band on this lineup at Gramercy Theater tonight. Every. Single. Band. I’m into the punk pop (not to be confused with pop punk which is just a slightly different sitch but the two scenes still like each other and get along). Headliner Modern Baseball = good band. Foxing = good band. Crying = good band. Knuckle Puck = good band. Somos = good band (and strong 2014 Album of the Year contender if I were to write such things, maybe, we’ll see, it depends if I have time). I’ll be at this one so come say hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

Staten Island’s Cymbals Eat Guitars is a rock solid band. They’re a band’s band and a fan’s band and I hope they keep playing forever. They play Knitting Factory with the superb Alex G (another 2014 Album of the Year contender). Damn. So many good shows tonight.

Porches (click that) + LVL UP (click that too) + What Moon Things (click that three) lead the way at Palisades tonight and all three of THOSE bands are good. What the hell, Friday. Why do you have so many good shows all up in you? What’s a music blob supposed to do?

Other notable shows = Swans at Warsaw + Demetri Martin at The Capitol Theatre + Centro-Matic at Mercury Lounge + Penguin Prison at Glasslands + DJ Animal Collective at Brooklyn Bowl + Damn, Friday

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Saturday - December 13th, 2014 A.D.

London’s (but now Brooklyn’s, I think) Fat White Family are known for their “crazy” stage antics. They’re one of those “crazy” rock ‘n roll bands. You know, back when rock ‘n roll was authentic and “crazy” and meant something, mannnn. They play Baby’s All Right tonight and it should be a pretty fun one although it might get a little “crazy.”

Chumped + Cayetana + Adult Dude (I totally profiled all three of those bands, NBD) lead the goodness train at Suburbia with Chris Gethard and Jeff Rosenstock bringing her into the station.

Broad City Live! is at The Bell House. That’s a very funny television programme, isn’t it? Oh my God I’m such an Abbi! The two shows tonight have been sold out for months but who knows you could probably get in where there’s a will there’s a pay.

New Jersey’s Rye Coalition play WFMU’s Monty Hall. I’m glad that band is still doing it, man. Rye Coalition brings the heat. I saw them at Pianos when that place first opened in like 2003 and was sure they were going to become huge. There’s still time. It's never too late.... until it's too late.

Other notable shows = Computer Magic at Glasslands + Devin at The Flat + Hector’s Pets at The Grand Victory + Worriers at The Rock Shop + Celestial Shore at Brooklyn Night Bazaar + Aimee Mann and Ted Leo at Town Hall + Kal Marks at Silent Barn

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Sunday - December 14th, 2014 A.D.

John Waters does a Christmas show at City Winery. You know that’s going to be good. Want to know why? Because John Waters is the best.

Psych popping San Diego rumpshakers (?) Crocodiles and Cassie Ramone of The Ramones (jk!) play Glasslands. Again... not too many shows left there, in this, its last month of existence. Mono No Aware.

Justin Timberlake play Barclays Center tonight and fuck that little Mickey Mouse kid. (jk i luv him jk i do not jk who cares jk one world jk imagine jk hope)

Other notable shows = Nick Lowe at Bowery Ballroom + Nude Beach at Union Pool + Sunflower Bean at Baby’s All Right

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You know what we just did? We talked about shows, baby. We talked about you and me. We talked about all the good things and the bad things that may be. We talked about shows.

Please enjoy this song where Salt-N-Pepa spend the first half of this song talking about how they’re about to talk about sex.