Written by Patrick McNamara

I think we can all agree that 2013 sure was super 2013-y this year. Right? Remember when all those things happened over the last twelve months? It’s like, could any of THOSE things have happened in any other year? I don’t think so! It’s almost as if 2013 was a parody of itself.

I could go on and get into specifics by doing some sort of “2013 In Review” thing. And if I did, I’m sure that dynamic feature would be the best “In Review” thing going on all the leading internet alt pubs. But I think it’s better to let the past be the past. It’s not just that I don’t want to write a “2013 In Review” thing. It’s more that I simply prefer to consider the almost here and the not quite now rather than what already was (in addition to me not wanting to write a “2013 In Review” thing).

So be gone, bygones. Sorry, rearview mirror - we’re cool using the windshield. There’s no need to reminisce. Nostalgia tuned to the closing of a calendar gives us nothing but Auld Lang Sighs. There’s no need to remind me not forget to forget my old acquaintances for I have already forgotten them.

Let’s instead use this space to discuss the good shows on New Year’s Eve. These shows are so good they haven’t even happened yet (unless you’re reading this in January because this dynamic copy affected you so much in late December that you had to revisit its emotional power one more time).

We made a guide to all the good shows going on on December 31st. It’s got a really great title too. It’s called The Rockness Guide to The Best New Year’s Eve Shows. Doesn’t that title look so smart in digital print? You can click that link now and watch as all of your dreams come true. Or, you could stick around a few more minutes first. Because I’m going to talk about a few of these shows in more dynamic detail. But whatever you want to do. It’s your call. Either way. It’s all chill. My feelings won’t be hurt if you leave now. They’d be crushed.

The Best of The Best New Year’s Eve Shows: A Fan’s Notes

DIIV + Perfect Pussy + Potty Mouth + Nothing + RatKing play the beautiful new venue Baby’s All Right tonight. And since this good lineup is “mostly” punk (this is neither the time nor the place to get into nuance), I’m gonna go ahead and say this New Year’s Eve show is ideal for good people who identify themselves as being “mostly” punk. A courageous claim, indeed. Here’s a shaky low-quality video of Perfect Pussy I managed to track down for you. The sound sucks and the person filming it really should have been enjoying the show instead. You’re welcome.

UPDATE: Perfect Pussy are no longer playing Baby's All Right. But they are still playing on New Year's Eve. They are now now on the bill at The Acheron. I don't know the reason for the switch in venues. You're welcome.

The kind buddha, Andrew W.K., plays Irving Plaza tonight. He brought his band too. I hear Andrew likes to party but I need to check a few more sources first before I can say that with full confidence. This show also features The Original Punk Rock Heavy Metal Karaoke Band (like Ray’s Pizza - everybody’s trying to say they started it - but this band really did - the punk metal karaoke thing, I mean - not bland slices) + Team Spirit (hey i like and wrote about that band! that’s why it’s linked!) + Aleister X (you do your own research). If this show is not fun then there is no such thing as a fun show. And if there’s no such thing as a fun show, then everything has been an illusion at best and an outright hurtful lie at worst and what’s the point and maybe there’s never even been a point in which case all of our fates are floating adrift on the uncontrollable sighing whims of the wind…. OH WELL WHATEVER IT’S 2014, BABY!!! WOO-HOOO! OMG I AM SOOOOOO DRUNK!!!!!

Thurston Moore plays two shows at The Stone tonight with two other modern musical iconoclasts. He plays at 8pm with John Zorn and again at 10pm with Mike Watt. This one is recommended for the more cerebral reveler. A Ryan Seacrest type, perhaps.

Avan Lava + The Juan Maclean (DJ set) + JDH of Fixed lead a tremendously danceable lineup at Cameo Gallery. If one of your New Year’s resolutions is to shed a few poundages, a.) love yourself more and b.) this show will put you on the fast track to that illusionary success. Because you’ll definitely get moving to these beats and booms. And Richard Simmons knew what he was talking about when he talked about whatever it was he talked about.

Tanlines do a DJ set at Brooklyn Bowl after the clock strikes twelve. This show should provide joy and mirth and lead you to fluidly move your body rythmically. The following is a video my friends and I made the last time we went to Brooklyn Bowl. Let me know what you think!

You could also go see Billy Joel at Barclays Center - if you’re my Aunt Janet (hi, aunt janet - how’s uncle ronnie's bursitis?). But then again, you have a chance to see Billy Joel at Madison Square Garden every month from now until the piano man passes on to the great unknown. So I say skip it. He seems reasonably healthy these days.

The End of The Best of The Best New Year’s Eve Shows: A Fan’s Notes

There you have it. Once again - this has been just a small selection of the good New Year’s Eve shows. There are others. There are ALWAYS others.

Happy New Year, dear Rockness reader. You’ve earned it. I’ll see you out there! If you go to the same show that I’m going to! And if not then ha ha ha see you next year get it you get it ha ha ha!

In summation, Ryan Seacrest.