Written by Patrick McNamara

Real talk time. True spit session. Ready? Our site has been sucking lately. I don’t mean the content, of course. The content is as dynamic as ever! I’m talking about performance issues. Like, when you’re a website...and you know when someone tenderly clicks on one of your links... that becomes the indicator that you’re now supposed to…like...load a new page? And then you just...don’t? Or, if you do load, you take a REAL long time thinking about it before you do? Yeah.

The site spent the last whoever-knows-how-long-at-this-point EITHER refusing to do the one thing we asked it to do (LOAD)...or it would just spin its wheel for a bit (hammering out its options...I GUESS) before finally saying, “OK. Fine. We’ll load, Master Suckness. But this may be the last time.” Our site thought this laissez faire attitude was punk rock - but it was really just an excuse to act like a dick. There’s a difference between the two. Definitely.

Anyway, the long and the short (not that short) of this is the following - our site is FASTER now. We pulled some levers and wiggled some wires and flipped a few key switches (blowing on our keyboard and turning the monitor upside down and shaking it were our two first solutions - they didn’t work). And doing all that helped.

But what really turned our site around was sitting down with it and looking it square in the screen and saying kindly but firmly, “Dynamic Muzik Blob. You just need to tilt your screen back and stare up at the heavens and soak in the grace of god and then run….you need to run faster than you’ve ever run before….because god made you for a purpose, Muzik Blob……...but god also made you FAST….and when you run….you feel His pleasure.”

And that did it. That did the trick. The site’s now fixed.

These are The Best Shows in NYC This Weekend.

Thursday - November 14th, 2013 A.D.

Cat Power plays two shows tonight at the Brooklyn Masonic Temple. This means there should be plenty of freemasons there. And those guys always know how to get a party started - with their cryptic rituals and symbols and stone cutting and such. Anyway, Chan Marshall won’t even notice they’re there. And we won’t either. We’ll be too busy being entranced by Chan Marshall being entranced by us. Performer hypnotizes crowd who hypnotizes performer. If that’s not a cryptic ritual, I don’t know what is. (here is a shaky video of Chan and my favorite spelling buddy Sky Ferreira singing Elliott Smith.)



Gross Relations play fuzzy, high-energy guitars/bass/drums/keyboard pop that ain’t for poopers. They play Union Hall tonight. Stream some of this band’s songs below and then tell me if my forthcoming band comparisons are accurate and totally on-the-nose, OK? Gross Relations sound like: Bon Jovi meets Jodeci meets Trixter meets Sade meets that Garth Brooks alter ego where he wore all black and acted all hard and stuff meets Wilson Phillips meets The Ramones meets Sufjan Stevens meets Pavement meets Fugazi meets My Bloody Valentine (WHO ARE STILL DESTROYING MY BLOODY EARS FROM EARLIER THIS WEEK BECAUSE I DIDN’T WEAR EARPLUGS BUT AT LEAST I KEPT MY REP, BRO). Did you stream them? Did I nail it? I nailed it, right?



There are a lot of other good shows tonight. And I just can’t dynamically discuss them all. But I’ll link to them. And then you can go to their respective pages on our dynamically FAST site. And you can then listen to them. Because I’m going to post a video or a song or something there. As of this writing, I haven’t done that yet. But I’ll do it before you read this. I know I will. Because I believe in myself.

But I can always make time for a few descriptive words about Milwaukee’s champaign of bands, Violent Femmes - who are playing Roseland tonight. And my few words are this: songwriter Gordon Gano claims he didn’t even know until RECENTLY that people thought “Blister in the Sun” was a song about masterbation. Yeah. OK. If you say so, Gordo.



Other notable shows = RAC + MNDR at Bowery Ballroom + Chromeo at Webster Hall + Active Child at MHOW (already mentioned) + Wooden Shjips and Cave at Knitting Factory + Hayden at Glasslands + Xeno & Oaklander and Eraas at 285 Kent + Gary Clark Jr. at The Apollo.

SEE ALL OF OUR THURSDAY SHOW PICKS.

Friday - November 15th, 2013 A.D.

PAWS play Glasslands tonight. Just another good goddamn band from Scotland. Ho-hum. I saw PAWS play this past SXSW and they were great. Or was it two SXSWs ago? I’ve been to sooooo many SXSWs how am I everrrrrr expected to rememberrrrr?! I’ve been to sooooo many and let me tell youuuuu, guys, SXSW has REALLY changed, it used to be something and now it’s soooooo something else and……. pardon my interruption, music industry rod, but please fart me. It’s a party, dude.

But anyway, PAWS are really good.



And later tonight also at Glasslands (you need a separate ticket beeeeyotttttchezzzzz), FM Attack play. This synth band sounds like the 1980s - specifically any Michael Mann movie from that era. They also sound like that one instrumental musical interlude in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” when Cameron realizes that growing up may be hard and life sure is full of tough curveballs sometimes but ultimately things are going to turn out OK (....and then you die). FM Attack also remind me of my childhood spent eating Velveeta cheese and Dinty Moore beef stew and A-1 steak sauce. Those were delicious, delicious days. So anyway, watch this video. Because it’s perfect.



Blondes would like to lead a good dance line-up for you at Output tonight. But these two dudes can’t make you dance until you’re ready to dance. The dancing goodness doesn’t just come from your body, man. The dancing goodness starts…. from within your heart. I know you’re keeping a bluebird down there in that heart of yours somewhere. Sure. You may try to stuff him down. Crush him out. Worry he might escape and make you vulnerable to things like love and dancing and goodness. But I know he’s in there, man. I know he’s there. You release that bluebird tonight. And watch the dancing goodness flow.





Other notable shows tonight = Ski Lodge at Cameo Gallery + Excepter at Saint Vitus + Noxious Foxes at Spike Hill.

SEE ALL OF OUR FRIDAY SHOW PICKS.

Saturday - November 16th, 2013 A.D.

I really like Daytona a lot. They rock good solid guitar jingle jangle accompanied by world weary poetry. I also really like their new album. Really new. The record release show for that album is tonight at Shea Stadium. I wish you could stream the whole thing. It’s more of a follow-it-from-the-beginning-right-to-the-end-of-the-line type listen. But here’s a taste, nevertheless.



Johnny Marr plays Webster Hall tonight. He was in some British band from the ‘80s that NME claims is the most important rock band of all time. But I just checked and Johnny Marr definitely was never in Genesis so I don’t know what the hell NME is talking about.



The British ambient/electronic/producer/Brian Eno/instrumental musician Jon Hopkins plays the party at Santos’ parents’ house tonight (they’re still away on a cruise or at a vineyard or whatever it is the lamestream grown-ups go out and do). Now, Hopkins’ beats and vibes take their time to get going. But once they find their groove, LOOK OUT! No, seriously. Look out the window after they find their groove. Because you’ll find yourself in outer space, man. And you don’t want to miss that view.



Other notable shows = Gary Clark Jr. at Terminal 5 + RAC and MNDR at MHOW (love combining that fake word trio together) + Palehound at Muchmore’s + Travis Morrison at Baby’s All Right + Reigning Sound at Brooklyn Bowl to name a few more…. but there’s even more than that…. there’s always more than that….. will you remember that?.......... shhhh…… say no more…. that’s a deal.

SEE ALL OF OUR SATURDAY SHOW PICKS.

Sunday - November 17th, 2013 A.D.

If you have a kid, take them to see Kidrockers featuring Au Revoir Simone and Ski Lodge at Brooklyn Bowl at 11:30am today. If you don’t have a kid, see if you can rent one somewhere… or if you can’t do that…. maybe at least just realize how good you have it on the weekends…. sleeping in….. leisurely lounging around…. doing whatever you want……. want to spend three hours reading the paper before thinking about going out and getting some sushi or something?.... not a problem!..... ah, remember these days, kidless friends. Remember. These. Days. So sayeth a muzik blob. Forever and Ever. Amen.



Knapsack is recently reunited legendary* emo band from this place called the ‘90s. They play Music Hall of Williamsburg tonight. Let’s all go and experience musical transcendence via human connection by standing around in a crowded, dark room and listening to someone shout out the tear stained pages of their twenty year old diary while the pretty guitars float above it all. I love it. I really do.

(*well, ok, slightly legendary - you know how I feel about hyperbole around here - hyperbole is basically the worst thing EVER)



And FINALLY. Someone at Supper Studio decided to create a multicourse meal where each course is inspired by the music of…..TEEN? Huh. Well, anyway, that band is going to play and you’re going to listen. And eat. If you want to pay the $65 price. If not, I’m sure listening to TEEN on your headphones goes great with, like, a pizza slice too. (to be fair to Supper Studio - the menu for this looks delicious - the meal starts - STARTS - with Doritos popcorn!)



SEE ALL OF OUR SUNDAY SHOW PICKS.

That’s it! Those were The Best Shows This Week? And did you notice how fast our site was loading when you clicked all those links? You click every single link, right? And read every precious word? You never skim? You never recklessly scroll? No. I know you don’t. Because I believe in you. You’re a Rockness reader. And you and I are True Blue. And True Blues never, ever, ever quit. Even in the tough times. Real talk. True spit.