Written by Patrick McNamara

I wrote the following words to feel the adrenaline-bursting whoosh of your mouse wheel a-rollin’ rapidly past them. So let’s get this skimming, scrolling, and scanning started, y’all!

The Best Shows This Weekend is dedicated to distracted procrastinators staring at screens everywhere.

Thursday - September 12th, 2013 A.D.

“I’m not Andrew Bird and I’m not Owen Pallet! I’m Kishi Bashi, bitch!” - not Kishi Bashi

Here’s one for tonight I thought I’d mention. Oh My Rockness Presents (the presenter specifically asked to be mentioned and we reluctantly complied) Kishi Bashi at Irving Plaza. He makes violins do things violins shouldn’t be able to do. For himself, and sometimes for Of Montreal, too. It’s magically happy loopy pop.

So... since we’re presenting this show... and it’s going to be a good one... I thought I should tell you about it... but no pressure to go... and hang out with me or anything... no pressure at all... I’m sure there’s a nice wall in the shadows that I can lean on... since I don’t seem to have any friends... who would let me lean on them.



We’re not going to tell you about any other competing shows tonight. Because the one we’re presenting is the only one we want you to go to. Yoinks! Just Kidding! LOL! You and I both know we’re all in this together.

I bet you thought Spiritualized was going to be the oldest band on this dynamic web feature this week, eh? Nope. Pere Ubu is. They’ve been doing their strange avant-art-wave thang since in 1975, sucka. That’s 19 years before 19 year-old King Krule (see way, way above) was even born, sucka! Pere Ubu play Bowery Ballroom tonight.



Other good shows tonight = Life Size Maps at Shea Stadium + The Rosebuds performing a Sade album for some reason at Mercury Lounge + Keren Ann at Littlefield + Violent Femmes (oh, why not) in Central Park + see, we’re not keeping any of the other good shows (besides the show we’re presenting) from you on here (again, that show is Kishi Bashi at Irving Plaza).

SEE ALL OF OUR THURSDAY SHOW PICKS.

Friday - September 13th, 2013 A.D.

This a really good night for shows. I don’t even really know where to begin. And when this happens I must remember to take a deep breath and simply begin. Forget the breath even. Just start, dude.

I guess I’ll start by telling about this two day fest called Basilica Soundscape at Basilica Hudson. Please note before we continue. This thing isn’t in NYC. It’s in Hudson, NY. Which, as you know, is “somewhere up there.” It’s not often you can see angelic Julianna Barwick and demonic Pig Destroyer on the same bill. But tonight’s your lucky night (along with Pharmakon + Evian Christ + Peter Sotos + Richard Hell reading his autobiography about his favorite subject).

Saturday’s line-up for this includes DIIV + Cass McCombs + Teengirl Fantasy + No Joy + more but we’re not talking about something happening Saturday in the Friday section, guys. That would be highly unorthodox and, honestly, offensive to organizational nerds everywhere.



Let’z get back to NYC, zhall we? Montreal’z Majical Cloudz play Jlazzlandz tonight (with Rocknezz CMJ 2012 zhow alumz, Moon King) and alzo tomorrow at Mercury Lounje. Juzt wanted to let you know thiz. Becauze Majical Cloudz iz a jood band.



Glass Candy and Chromatics play Terminal 5. Before the show - blast this song below. And then for god’s sake, DRIVE, man. Drive!

(why I always seem to be referencing that movie in this thing is beyond me - only the dynamic web copy gods know)



Peter Hook (the only dude from New Order not doing New Order reunion shows) & The Light play two albums by….New Order...at Webster Hall. These albums are “Movement” and my personal favorite New Order record (but what does what I like have to do with any of this?), “Power, Corruption, and Lies.” I don’t know. We’ll see how this one goes.

Also check out the crazy shit I just learned from Wikipedia: “In 1979, Hook was questioned as a suspect in the Yorkshire Ripper case. Joy Division's touring schedule happened to be similar to (killer) Peter Sutcliffe's movements which led to the police's suspicion. Following gigs in Halifax, Huddersfield, Leeds and Manchester, Hook was questioned and drummer Stephen Morris was arrested.”

Well THAT must have sucked.



Yep. Pinback are still at it. They play Irving Plaza tonight. And by the time the band’s (probably) epic 3+ hour set (give or take) is done Rob Crow will have already thought up, like, 8 new bands to start up. Remind me to tell you about the time I presented an award with him at the "Plug Awards" in 2004 or 2005 (give or take) if you ever want to be really bored out of your face. This is still a really great song though, no?



Other good shows tonight include Pictureplane at 285 Kent + Deer Tick performing “In Utero” as...wait a second...“Deervana” (oh well….these things happen) at Brooklyn Bowl + DJ Holy Ghost! at The Panther Room + Jana Hunter at Death by Audio + Chrome Canyon at Glasslands + I told you it was a really good night - thanks for believing in me - now go believe in yourself and choose one.

SEE ALL OF OUR FRIDAY SHOW PICKS.

Saturday - September 15th, 2013 A.D.

Tonight’s nothing to sneeze at either. And if you do, sneeze that is, that’s probably just an air irritant that’s managed to elude the protection of your nose hairs. So go easy when you trim those things. Though occasionally unsightly, nose hairs can be the best of friends in times of tremendous convulsions.

The punk-y Screaming Females + the not-so punk-y-but-punk-y-rooted-perhaps Waxahatchee + the garagey-punk-y-definitely-not-black-metal-y-as-their-name-suggests Tenement play a solid all-around show at MHOW. That’s three good bands. In 1 place. I love when that happens. Because I don’t really like to move much. When I get to a place I tend to linger there. Gone are the days of crawling and/or hopping. Those days have run away like wild horses over the hills.



It’s Stay Positive’s first US show EVER tonight. And it’s at Glasslands (with a DJ set by ITAL) . They’re from Manchester, England, England (across the Atlantic Sea) and they used to be called Christian AIDS. Hmm. I wonder why they changed their name? This is throbbing pulsing sinister sounding dance dub club music for people who like throbbing pulsing sinister sounding dance dub club music.



Zola Jesus plays Our Lady of Lebanon Cathedral in Brooklyn Heights. And I still think of this song sometimes when I think about Brooklyn Heights (which, granted, isn’t very often). I watched a lot of Nick at Nite as a kid.



But wait. This was supposed to be about Zola Jesus and the solid goth-soul-sexy-something she’s been throwing down for awhile now. Not Patty Duke. Sorry. I can’t predict how these things go, dear Rockness reader. I just let it flow, you know?



Volcano Choir (with the guy who wears Bon Iver’s beard) play Webster Hall tonight. Think K. West will be there to support his bro, J. Vern? Maybe K-Dub will come down from the rafters striking a Messianic pose during Volcano Choir’s closing song or something. And hover over a kiddie pool in the middle of the stage. And then throw out loaves and fish to JV and all the however many other bros are now in this band.



Other shows tonight = Alt-J at Hammerstein (they play Central Park on Sunday too) + Computer Magic at Glasslands + El Ten Eleven at Bowery + more...there’s always more on a Saturday night in New York City, son!

SEE ALL OF OUR SATURDAY SHOW PICKS..

Sunday - September 16th, 2013 A.D.

Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band play Bowery Ballroom tonight.

And this video is inTENSE.



SEE ALL OF OUR SUNDAY SHOW PICKS.

Those were The Best Shows This Week as I know them to be. If I missed some? Oh well. It’s only rock ‘n roll. I’m just enjoying chilling on the chill train while chilling next to you.

Have fun out there. And try and forget that there's a phone in your pocket that's also a camera.