Written by Patrick McNamara

It's time to stop being polite and start getting real. The Real World: Whoa My Blobness.

In this episode, shoes are squeezed, understandings are undone, real talk about real stuff is had, everybody makes up, and we all slip back into the comfortable toils of obscurity once more.

Thursday - August 6, 2015 A.D.

Oh, cool. I get to spell Desaparecidos again. Conor Whoa Burst and crew play Webster Hall tonight. Weren't they just here? I'm not sure I have any more tears to give to this thing.

San Francisco's Deerhoof play The Bell House. I can't talk shit about this band. They've been good forever. See them. Don't see them. I'd imagine they probably don't really care either way.

Caribou and Sinkane play a free show at East River Park Amphitheater. It's the most popular upcoming show on the blob as determined by those of you who actually use the "My Rockness" function we built for you. You know that shit is free, right? You know we didn't have to build it, or even make this music blob, right? You know Oh My Rockness is just two people and our office is in our apartment (get your mind out of the gutter we're married). OK. Cool. Just making sure we're on the same page with this thing. But anyway, yeah. Cool free show alert. Cool cool cool.

Other notable shows = The Thurston Moore Band at Bowery Ballroom (not even gonna) + The Velvet Teen + Vasudeva (who are so good) at Knitting Factory + the Radiohead dude that's not Thom Yorke or Jonny Greenwood at Music Hall of Williamsburg + U.S. Girls and Yuck at Pier 84 (free) + Ricky Eat Acid at Baby's All Right

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Friday - August 7, 2015 A.D.

Mercury Girls play Alphaville - the one from Philly - I THINK. There's another Mercury Girls from Toronto running around and they sound sort of similar. I'm not gonna get into it but Mercury Girls and Mercury Girls, I know you're both good bands but FIGURE IT OUT WILL YOU. You're confusing local music blobs all over the world and it's not FARE (no - sic u).

Ducktails play Bowery Ballroom. This good band is Matt Mondanile's thing when he's not buying up all the cheap homes, gutting them, making them look ugly, and turning them for a profit for rich people with no style in Real Estate. Oh wait, I'm getting Real Estate the band confused with every developer on my block. Scrooge McDuck is such a DICK.

Washed Out plays a DJ set at Output. This one comes recommended if you're the type that likes watching dudes stand behind things and twist knobs and mess with levers and fiddle with switches and things. This is also FREE. HAWT! Great stedicam work in the video below, BTW. Just terrific. I really hope recording this was worth ruining everyone's time.

Or, go to Montauk (a place I've never been because I'm not $) and see We Are Scientists play for free. I can't say anything bad about that band. They're good peeps. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Time to take it back.

Other notable shows = DJ Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs (Jurassic Park sucks - all of them) at Verboten + Miguel at The Space at Westbury + Justin Townes Earle at Music Hall of Williamsburg + Worriers at Knitting Factory + Soda Bomb at Amityville Music Hall (we all got to call our venues "music halls" now, I guess - gotta keep up with The Joneses!)

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Saturday - August 8, 2015 A.D.

Feeling hot? How about going to MoMA PS1 Summer Warm Up today and feel even hotter. Then go look at art and pass out. And perhaps after that take the subway to Big Brother MoMA in Manhattan and pay $25 to be herded like cattle over perilous catwalks and watch all the tourists stare at the same damn painting. We get it. You really like Starry Night. You even have it hanging above your toilet in your bathroom.

tUnE-yArDs pLaY a fReE sHoW iN pRoSpEcT pArK bUt i wIlL gLaDlY pAy fOr tHe pRiViLegE oF nEvEr hAvInG tO tYpE tHe bAnD nAmE tUnE-yArDs aGaIn.

Why do we dine on the tots, guys?

Jamie xx plays Terminal 5 but his beats just might be a little too sexy for me so I better stay home. I wouldn't want to go and get caught up in these sexy sexy beats and start feeling sexy or anything. The world is so sexy, says the so so so sexy beats of Jamie xx. #sosexy #punkrock

Other notable shows = SAVAK at Union Pool + Kevin Morby at Union Pool (free) + Delta Spirit at The Surf Lodge (F you, Montauk) + Pill at Palisades + Mad Decent Block Party at Coney Island + Saintseneca at Baby's All Right + Landlady at Alphaville

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Sunday - August 9, 2015 A.D.

Do whatever you want to do today. I don't care.

Other notable shows = Caveman at Brooklyn Flea (free) + SAVAK at Cake Shop + Mad Decent Block Party at Coney Island + Rozwell Kid and Soda Bomb and Baked and Pocket Hercules at Shea Stadium + Kevin Morby and Lee Ranaldo at Storm King Arts Center (that place is beautiful I can't lie) + tUnE-yArDs aT i sWeAr tO gOd tUnE-yArDs gIvE iT a rEsT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Thanks for reading. I was a Scrooge McDick this week. I hope everybody is happy now. Cool cool cool. It's been real.

The Real World: Whoa My Blobness

HOLY SHIT THERE HAVE BEEN 30 SEASONS OF REAL WORLD (THANKS AS ALWAYS, WIKIPEDIA) I STOPPED WATCHING AFTER THIS ONE IT WASNT NOT FUNNY