Written by Patrick McNamara

Let’s talk about The Best Shows This Weekend.

Then let’s talk about something else.

You can pick the topic.

Cool?

Cool.

Thursday - December 12th, 2013 A.D.

I love what’s happening at Death by Audio tonight and AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT! Chumped + PUP lead the way and are a perfect pairing - and not just because it’s fun to say those two band names together. “Chumped and PUP and PUP and Chumped. PUP. Chumped. Chumped. Pup” See? It’s fun, right? Those two bands lead the way because they’re both really good melodic punker rockers. Now that’s what I’m talking about when I talk about Holiday Cheer (for all you skimmers - I was talking about Holiday Cheer earlier - you just scrolled past too fast - but good news, you really didn’t miss much - if anything at all).

For those of you who prefer to listen to music that’s apt to propel your body to move rhythmically, (le) poisson rouge is as good a place as any to conduct that strange physical ritual tonight. Because France’s Fred Falke and England’s Starsmith and Friendly Greg from some land called Brooklyn play there. Here’s a Fred Falke remix I’ve posted a million times before on this thing. But I don’t care. Because I’m #punkrock and I’m also #shitouttanewideas.

Cass “Crooning Nomadic Troubadour” McCombs (aka CCNTM) plays Bowery Ballroom tonight. He’s a brooder, that one. I remember when I saw him play Pianos once. It was good. Nothing remarkably exciting happened at that show. Just good solid tunes that were heard and enjoyed by all. Really, I just wanted to throw in that I saw him play at Pianos once. I don’t know why.

(by the way, maybe someday I’ll tell you the story about the time I saw Arcade Fire at Arlene’s Grocery - and that someday is today because I just did - and you know what - Win has changed - he’s really really changed - the whole dress code mandatory/not mandatory thing? - i mean, when Win stares into the mirror these days - who does he even see? - when will Win’s reflektion show… who he is…. inside?)

SEE ALL OF OUR THURSDAY SHOW PICKS.

Friday - December 13th, 2013 A.D.

Wow. There are a lot of shows worth mentioning tonight. So let’s stop dickying around for once.

Yo La Tengo start their annual traditional string of December shows tonight. But it’s not at Maxwell’s this year. Maxwell’s is gone. Maxwell’s is in a better place than Hoboken, NJ now. It’s time to move on. Tonight’s Yo La Tengo show is at The Bell House. (and tomorrow and Sunday and Monday too). All of these shows are sold-out. So if you’re excited by this show, I hope you already have a ticket. And if you don’t? I’m sorry I brought it up. I just can’t seem to do anything right this week.

It’s Barnard College’s free “Winter Formal” tonight. And the powers that be over there have asked the most perfect band to headline a winter formal. No, not Mannheim Steamroller. I’m talking about none other than Diarrhea Planet, of course! Remember, kids. This is Diarrhea Planet’s world - we’re all just pooping uncontrollably in it.

(behind the blob feature: google docs spell check took strong issue with my use of the word “pooping” and highly suggested that what i really meant to type was “popping” - did i cave? - i did not - because i am #punkrock.)

Small Black leads a good lineup at Brooklyn Night Bazaar tonight. This one is also free. But the precious assorted trinkets you are shopping for will not be. Here’s a classic Small Black song from way wayyyyy back in 2011. Ask your parents what that time was like, kids.

MGMT play Barclays Center. And I wanted to mention it. Because I feel it’s always important to support the local stadium shows.

Alt-J play The Studio at Webster Hall tonight and you have a chance to win tickets by signing up for…. wait…. no…. no!.... this is another one of those high-concept gimmicky shows! Good day, high-concept gimmicky shows. Enough of you this week. I SAID GOOD DAY!

Cheat Sheet Time! Other good shows tonight = !!! + Holy Fuck at Webster Hall + John Waters doing something Christmas-y and probably wonderful at Stage 48 + Splashh + Bleeding Rainbow at Pianos + Russia’s Pompeya at Cameo Gallery + Telepathe at Baby’s All Right + Factory Floor at 285 Kent + I told you I shouldn’t be dickying around tonight.

SEE ALL OF OUR FRIDAY SHOW PICKS.

Saturday - December 14th, 2013 A.D.

Have you ever heard of this music site called… hang on lemme grab my glasses here… The Pitch Fork? Sound familiar to you? Well, that website is getting into the print game now, too, with The Pitchfork Review. And Waxahatchee and Mutual Benefit play the launch party for that alt print pub at Converse Rubber Tracks tonight. Now, I didn’t go to this show because it hasn’t happened yet, but I’m going to go ahead and give this one a 7.2. Because the algorithm I developed says 7.2 on a scale of 10 is the number most likely to mean not much of anything at all. And therefore, you’ll be right every time. Thanks, algorithm!

Church of the Messiah in Greenpoint has a solid benefit show tonight. 100% of the proceeds will be donated to Common Ground, an outreach program whose mission is to end homelessness in NYC by developing and sustaining supportive and affordable housing. The players include: Luke Temple (of Here We Go Magic and...err...Luke Temple) + Jo Schornikow (of Phosphorescent) + Woodsman + more. I give affordable housing a 10.0

Queens of the Stone Age + The Kills play Barclays tonight. Once again! Support your local stadium show! Support your local stadium show! Tonight will probably look a little something like this…..

Other good shows tonight = Hot Water Music + Torche at Webster Hall + Diarrhea Planet (again?!) and Big Ups and Purling Hiss and Manors at Brooklyn Night Bazaar (this one is free - and come to think of it - maybe i’m downplaying this one too much - oh well - what’s done is done and can never be undone) + J. Roddy Walston + DJ Washed Out at Gramercy Theatre + Dusted at Rockwood Music Hall + JD Samson & The Men at Rough Trade + on to Sunday we now go!

SEE ALL OF OUR SATURDAY SHOW PICKS.

Sunday - December 15th, 2013 A.D.

Hmmm. Well this is awkward. This is certainly embarrassing. Scanning the list of tonight’s shows on Oh My Rockness (yeah, I use my own shit) it seems I’ve already talked about the good bands playing tonight. They all had shows previously in the week, you see. I talked about Yo La Tengo. Talked about Small Black (this one a KidRockers thang with Radical Dads. Sorta talked about Dusted. And after that, there’s not a whole lot left to discuss for tonight. I pounced on the goodness and this is what i have to show for it…. nothing. Ain’t that a fine how do you do.

This just goes to show you, kids. Pace yourself. Moderation in all things. Don’t blow your load all at once or you’ll end up like me. A warning tale.

Way to end it strong, Suckness. Way to end it strong.

SEE ALL OF OUR SUNDAY SHOW PICKS.

Those were The Best Shows This Week and they’re so good that, as of this writing (1:34pm in the Year of the Whisper-Quiet Maytag Dishwasher), they haven’t even happened yet.

I know you have a choice when you procrastinate and distractedly scroll through things on screens. And I thank you for once again choosing to do so with Oh My Blobness.

So what should we talk about now? Because I’m ready to talk about ANYTHING else.