Written by Patrick McNamara

Welcome to everybody’s favorite wah-wah-wah-wacky article on the internet wuh-hwa-hwa-hwa! Get ready for some funny ha ha ha times as we yuck yuck yuck it up! Wuh-hwa-hwa-hwa!

I dressed up nice for ya this week too. Say, you like this flower on my lapel? Go ahead and smell it, pal. WHOOPS! What’s happening, water face! Wuh-hwa-hwa-hwa!

Hey buddy, I’m roaring to go here, but first, don’t ya think you better tie those shoes first? Pffft! WHOOPS! Now I got your nose! And say, that’s some honker! Mother Goose ain't got nuthin' on you! Wuh-hwa-hwa-hwa!

Say, ever played 52 card pickup while waiting for a Hurts Donut? It goes like this, see….Wuh-hwa-haw-hwa!

Let’s get wah-wah-wacky with The Best Shows This Weekend! Wuh-hwa-hwa-hwa!

(I’m just so lonely….)

Thursday - January 16th, 2014 A.D.

Ohio’s Cloud Nothings play Baby’s All Right tonight. This band has always been good live. Well, they have been good during the times I've seen ‘em, anyway. They probably weren’t that great at their very first show. In fact, I’m gonna almost guarantee it. Because goodness like this takes time, friends. Talent is all fine and right and courageous and true. But don’t be stepping around the good old elbow grease. Ohio’s LeBron James will tell you too. However, I don’t see why you should believe his word over mine.

Here’s a video from wayyyyyy back. We’re talking Coachella 2013 way back. Yeah. Intense.

Brooklyn’s Bambara play Silent Barn tonight. They’re a nice and noisy band and come highly recommended if you like dark cold anxious feelings. “DO I!” “AND HOW!” If you go, remember to listen for the beauty too. You’ll find it within the shadows. It may be buried pretty good. But that beauty’s there, man. It’s there.

Spike Hill has a solid free show situation (please note: this means you don’t have to pay anybody any money to go see it) with several good bands I like and have written about before. I’m not going to tell you who they are. Just kidding! I’ll even link to those writings too! Prism House + Daytona + Palehound + more! Terrific! Wow! Mint! Rare!

The Hood Internet + Pictureplane + Bearstronaut play a free late night show at Glasslands tonight courtesy of a benevolent name brand sneaker. You need to RSVP to dance. And you need to invite me. I’ll start getting ready now. I can’t wait to break in my cool new "fedora." I learned about fedoras when I went on a trip to visit "Hollywood!" Might even go “all in” and wear a sport coat over my "hoodie" too! So get excited. I’ll be waiting.

He’s heating up!

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Friday - January 17th, 2014 A.D.

Tonight is the first of three FINAL shows at 285 Kent happening this weekend. After that, it’s ashes to ashes dust to dust in the wind, dudes. So you can start saying goodbye to a wonderful venue with Dan Deacon + DJ Dog Dick (classic) + DUST + Ava Luna + more surprise goodness tonight.

So long, 285 Kent. These next two videos are for you.

London’s Disclosure are really popular here. Both the alts and the normal well-adjusted people really seem to eat up their beats. They play Terminal 5 tonight (and Sunday) and then do a DJ thing later at Webster Hall (and again Saturday at Output - whew doggie). The difference between a “real” Disclosure set and a “DJ” set? Maybe a drummer or two? I don’t really know. I guess you’ll have to ask them. You guys will have to talk it out and debate such weighty matters as, like, what does electronic dance music even mean anymore, mannnn? I'm all booked up here.

MNDR - the venerable dancing queen of the vowel-less band name movement (it began as an accident when she was too broke to buy ‘em - it's like, she didn’t know she was about to start a revolution) - plays a free show at Brooklyn Night Bazaar tonight. Come dance. Come purchase your assorted trinkets. Come show your respects to MNDR: a true PNR in her field.

The Juan Maclean are doing a DJ set at this hot new underground club called The Museum of Natural History. It’s one of those secret places you’d walk right by if you didn’t know where to look. If you do somehow gain access (tip: whisper “DFA” to the first wooly mammoth you see) I recommend sticking around for the planetarium show. Because that shit will blow your mind.

CHEAT SHEET HEAT SHEET. Other notable shows tonight = St. Lucia at Music Hall of Williamsburg + Bleeding Rainbow at Death by Audio + Hector’s Pets at The Grand Victory + DJ Sinkane at Union Pool.

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Saturday - January 18th, 2014 A.D.

LVL UP (click their name to read my words - don’t worry - it will open in another window - i did that target=blank html thing - because i always go the extra step for you, dear Rockness reader) open up the action at Baby’s All Right tonight. This bounce-y band from Purchase, NY is loud and tight and melodic and punk and right. Good luck following that, all other bands on this bill. (oh other bands on this bill, i’m just teasing - i’m sure you’ll do just fine.)

St. Lucia and Rush Midnight play Bowery Ballroom tonight (St. Lucia plays there again tomorrow too) . And for some reason this St. Lucia video below REALLY makes me want to go out and purchase a Jaguar and I have no idea why! It’s never even crossed my mind to buy a Jaguar before. But you know what? The more I listen to this 3 minute song/interview the more I feel that I deserve it. I deserve the best of the best and the car rated Most Luxurious in its class by JD Power and his MotorTrend Bros. Because why not? And how much could Jaguar’s REALLY cost anyway?

(wastes value time looking up Jaguar prices)

(sees cost)

(does spit take)

CHEAT SHEET HEAT SHEET TIPPING BUZZY ALT SHEET. Other notable shows tonight = Disclosure at Terminal 5 (mentioned previously) + Disclosure DJ set at Output (mentioned previously!) + Sinkane at Brooklyn Night Bazaar + Alex Bleeker & the Freaks at Death by Audio + Joakim at Glasslands + Wolf Eyes at 285 Kent as part of their swan song (I SAID MENTIONED PREVIOUSLY ALRIGHT?!?!?!?!!?!?!)

(I started a muzik blob so I use CAPS LOCK liberally and without censure.)

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Sunday - January 19th, 2014 A.D.

Some band called the Pixies play The Capitol Theatre tonight. I’m not familiar them. But if they sound like the sticks taste, I can’t recommend them enough!

Moving on, Ovlov play Santos Party House tonight. They’re great like Dinosaur Jr. Hey. By the way. Did we ever mention on this thing how we did a really really great CMJ show last October? Because Ovlov were one of the bands we asked to play it. They were so good! And that party was so fun! We gotta tell you all about it. Wait. Let me set the scene. It all started when I thought to myself, “parties are the best in basically every way but how could i invent one - for i am but one man?” and then…..wait...what are you doing with that can of gasoline?….why does it look like you’re about to pour it...all over your...no!….put it down, man!…..put it down!

This Ovlov song shreds tho.

Fucked Up + DIIV + White Lung + Guardian Alien + LODRO + “Special Guest” (please be Michael Jordan please be Michael Jordan…) play the last show at 285 Kent tonight. I already dedicated 2 goodbye songs to 285 Kent this week (see: Harmony, Bone Thugs ‘n + Men, Boys II). And I don’t know if more than 2 goodbye songs have ever been written in the history of songs? It’s a pretty unique topic in the rock and the roll. But let me do some sourcing. I‘ll try to find another goodbye song. Goddamn it, I’ll try.

Oh my god. This song gives me the howling fantods. Where’s that gasoline...

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This was The Best Shows This Weekend. And I really hope you enjoyed this wah-wah-wah-wacky article on the internet wuh-hwa-hwa-hwa!

Hope you liked yuck yuck yucking it up!

Especially the part where I ended the thing with THE LIVING YEARS by MIKE AND THE MECHANICS.

Stupid, Suckness! Stupid!